"It is...what you want it to be," he said after a moment, looking up at Carlos. "Be it whatever, but..." He fell silent resisting the urge to look down at his hands as his fingers wrung around themselves tightly. His heart was still pounding in his chest, and he didn't know if this was the way any of these sorts of confessions were supposed to go. Wasn't this supposed to be the easy part?
"I...I love you." He said, finally, softly even as his eyes searched Carlos features quickly for a moment before he ducked his head down and frowned. "I know, it has been....a long time since we started all of this, and I know that your feelings could have changed. Or..." He took a deep breath, pursing his lips. "I just, I don't...."
This was dumb, he thought. It was a silly way to try to explain himself, it was the wrong sort of gift perhaps. He should have just written a note like he was in middle school and passed it to Carlos in the middle of class.
"I thought you might..." This was so stupid, why was he acting like a fourteen year old boy trying to ask his crush out on a date? Aside from the fact that maybe Carlos' feelings had changed- after all, they didn't bring up that night very often. Sometimes he thought Carlos had just wanted something like a relationship, someone to come home to- and that had been twisted into something he'd decided was love. What if the whole 'love' nonsense was just because he relished the sex? They could both agree there was something utterly addicting about the sex.
"Say something....please." He said, looking back up at Carlos who was still giving him that look, as if he wasn't sure he believed Gael. It was crushing, he thought, that there was a doubt and yet it was reality, wasn't it? Why did Carlos need to believe him? Why should he? Gael had always been firm in his beliefs about love, firm in his rules. If it hadn't been for Patrick all those months ago- this wouldn't have been possible, would it? So why should Carlos believe that Gael had allowed something in himself to change?
"I....can go....if...." Be didn't need Carlos to see the fangs of self-doubt closing in so tight that it was hard to breathe.
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"I...I love you." He said, finally, softly even as his eyes searched Carlos features quickly for a moment before he ducked his head down and frowned. "I know, it has been....a long time since we started all of this, and I know that your feelings could have changed. Or..." He took a deep breath, pursing his lips. "I just, I don't...."
This was dumb, he thought. It was a silly way to try to explain himself, it was the wrong sort of gift perhaps. He should have just written a note like he was in middle school and passed it to Carlos in the middle of class.
"I thought you might..." This was so stupid, why was he acting like a fourteen year old boy trying to ask his crush out on a date? Aside from the fact that maybe Carlos' feelings had changed- after all, they didn't bring up that night very often. Sometimes he thought Carlos had just wanted something like a relationship, someone to come home to- and that had been twisted into something he'd decided was love. What if the whole 'love' nonsense was just because he relished the sex? They could both agree there was something utterly addicting about the sex.
"Say something....please." He said, looking back up at Carlos who was still giving him that look, as if he wasn't sure he believed Gael. It was crushing, he thought, that there was a doubt and yet it was reality, wasn't it? Why did Carlos need to believe him? Why should he? Gael had always been firm in his beliefs about love, firm in his rules. If it hadn't been for Patrick all those months ago- this wouldn't have been possible, would it? So why should Carlos believe that Gael had allowed something in himself to change?
"I....can go....if...." Be didn't need Carlos to see the fangs of self-doubt closing in so tight that it was hard to breathe.