No. No, he wanted to scream it at Carlos, but he didn't have the energy to manage even that last shred of defense against that thing called 'love'. And it was easy to scream out that that was all they were- words. Empty, hallow, and meaningless as the day was long. But he couldn't. He couldn't find the strength in him to fight it, even as Carlos pulled him close. He couldn't fight himself as he rolled toward that warmth, shrinking against a broad chest as strong arms held him close and tight.

"You shouldn't," he said softly, hiding himself within Carlos' grasp as much as seeking comfort in it. Was it wrong, he wondered, to want this? Was he fair to this man whom he'd promised to not love....was it fair to let Carlos love him. It couldn't be, but the alternative felt crushing, as if the worst of his pain was suddenly being held at bay by the arms wrapped around him protective. "I'll ruin you, you know. I've ruined myself..." He whispered, "you shouldn't love me. I don't know how to love you back."

Except, he thought deep in the recesses of his mind, he did. And his heart skipped a beat, before squeezing tightly in his chest as he shuddered. He knew it was just a matter of letting go of something he'd held so tightly in his grasp for so long...it wasn't love he'd forgotten, it was how to not be afraid of what it could do.

"You shouldn't be here," he said after a long silence fell between them, his eyes deeping low, though they were hidden against Carlos' chest. "I shouldn't let you be here..."