The shower hadn't been terribly long, but it had done the job to washing away the grim he had felt coated his skin. It was probably all in his head, but either way...it had done him good. It let him mull over his problems in a clear and pragmatic way that he'd learned from Daniel after years of doing homework at the kitchen table and trying to convince his father to just do the math for him. It had never worked, but it had taught him to do his math on his own- his father gently pushing him to work through the problem step by step.
He'd shaved in the shower, running a hand over his smooth skin afterward with a sense of rightness in himself. He was, he thought, not well off...but better than he'd been hours ago. Not that, he supposed, Carlos really needed to know how close to the edge of oblivion Gael had come. And Carlos was still a problem, one he did not know how to deal with. One he did not know how he could hurt, either. He liked the man- for more than the sex. He was funny, even though he was quiet. Thoughtful, kind in his own way. Loyal, perhaps, to a fault. Charming in that detached and distracted way.
Love would likely be a long way off in his own heart, but Gael didn't see a reason to drag Carlos through the mud. And yet the other man had quite firmly said he wasn't going to let Gael push him away. Which meant the only way to push him away would be to hurt him.
Something, again, he really did not care to do.
When he stepped back in the room, he quirked a brow at the now awake guardsman and smiled a little. Faint, but there- perhaps still a ghost of himself, but approaching normal all the same. "Yes, well there must be a first for everything, right?" He said, looking off to the side for a moment.
Finding a clean shirt, Gael pulled it on over his damp hair before slipping into a pair of boxers before he walked slowly over to Carlos as sat on the bed nest to him. "We should...talk," he said, slow and gentle despite the ominous nature of such a statement. "And...I should probably say thank you. I don't know if I ever said that about this whole...thing. But- thank you. You've had no reason to put yourself through this, and no reason to-to..." He hesitated, looking over at Carlos as the word sat on his tongue and he frowned a bit sadly.
"I'm sorry you've fallen for such a fuck up." He said, finally as he looked away. "Irony is, in another life....I could have easily loved you, you know. I just think my heart is...broken, now. That or I've just forgotten how to do it. Either way, it isn't fair to you, is it?" Looking back at Carlos, considered his options again- as he had in the shower. Saw the sad, prepared glint in Carlos' eyes and hesitated. Again.
"You're a good man, Carlos Sanchez. Much better than you give yourself credit for." He said finally. "I truly wish I could be what you need me to be."
no subject
He'd shaved in the shower, running a hand over his smooth skin afterward with a sense of rightness in himself. He was, he thought, not well off...but better than he'd been hours ago. Not that, he supposed, Carlos really needed to know how close to the edge of oblivion Gael had come. And Carlos was still a problem, one he did not know how to deal with. One he did not know how he could hurt, either. He liked the man- for more than the sex. He was funny, even though he was quiet. Thoughtful, kind in his own way. Loyal, perhaps, to a fault. Charming in that detached and distracted way.
Love would likely be a long way off in his own heart, but Gael didn't see a reason to drag Carlos through the mud. And yet the other man had quite firmly said he wasn't going to let Gael push him away. Which meant the only way to push him away would be to hurt him.
Something, again, he really did not care to do.
When he stepped back in the room, he quirked a brow at the now awake guardsman and smiled a little. Faint, but there- perhaps still a ghost of himself, but approaching normal all the same. "Yes, well there must be a first for everything, right?" He said, looking off to the side for a moment.
Finding a clean shirt, Gael pulled it on over his damp hair before slipping into a pair of boxers before he walked slowly over to Carlos as sat on the bed nest to him. "We should...talk," he said, slow and gentle despite the ominous nature of such a statement. "And...I should probably say thank you. I don't know if I ever said that about this whole...thing. But- thank you. You've had no reason to put yourself through this, and no reason to-to..." He hesitated, looking over at Carlos as the word sat on his tongue and he frowned a bit sadly.
"I'm sorry you've fallen for such a fuck up." He said, finally as he looked away. "Irony is, in another life....I could have easily loved you, you know. I just think my heart is...broken, now. That or I've just forgotten how to do it. Either way, it isn't fair to you, is it?" Looking back at Carlos, considered his options again- as he had in the shower. Saw the sad, prepared glint in Carlos' eyes and hesitated. Again.
"You're a good man, Carlos Sanchez. Much better than you give yourself credit for." He said finally. "I truly wish I could be what you need me to be."