wickerpark | [Hadyn and Elisha] I would have found you....

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[Hadyn and Elisha] I would have found you....

It was his last shift at Masonic, and they sent him off with a flourish. Cora swapped with another of the nurses to work the graveyard with him, and brought him a cake she'd made for him that morning. She then spent the whole night telling him that if he ever needed her to come knock some smartass over the head at Laurie, he just needed to call. She'd 'come a runnin'. He was going to miss Cora the most.

Pat's send off to him was to ensure that every one of the weirdest cases that night came his way. There was the dildo that, uh, 'accidentally' ended up someone's ass. He didn't really ask, but he got the story about it anyway. Then there were the boys who somehow ended up with split heads. They 'fell', and that was their story. Mom, however, seemed to suspected they'd been daring each other to do stupid flips off the shed behind the house. Hadyn just tried not to judge anyone on the matter. Adam was back, asking about the tumor again. He wanted to know if he'd be allowed into Laurie so that Hadyn could scan his head there.

Hadyn said no.

Most of the night was fairly boring, really, but it was peppered with things at random. And for once, Hadyn was legitimately walking out the door at 6am, smiling and waving at the people who'd given him a happy send off.

"Hey," he said, turning back to Elisha as he walked toward the car. "Don't tell me, you spent the night working?" He grinned though, leaning in to steal a happy kiss. "You know, I should be scolding you if you have been. But I might let it go for coffee..." And sex. He could really go for some hot and steamy morning sex before he passed out. And wine.

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Hadyn had known fear in his life. That deep, gut twisting terror that caused every deep buried instinct to fire. Once he had thought he'd even experience such fear of dying that he could face it every day and never flinch. That night had come after Jordan had gone to college, and he and Dominick had once again gotten into an argument.

His father had slapped him hard, and in the ensuing struggle, the railing on the third floor gave way and Hadyn watching is terror as his father just let him fall back. It was how he'd dislocated his shoulder, slamming into it on the second story landing. Dominick had let him howl and scream for what seemed a life time before he'd bothered to go pick up his son. Take him to the hospital.

That night, he realized, was nothing in comparison. Hadyn's eyes went wide as Dominick wrapped is hands around his neck and just...squeezed as he screamed at him. As his father shook him, Hadyn tried to twist and claw his way out of it, every second passing him causing more and more panic as he reeled back. There was a rushing sound in his ears, and his vision seemed to be blurred in one eye.

He couldn't hear Jordan, he thought as he saw his brother for a brief moment. Than black. Everything was black. Hadyn gasped as he came to again, coughing violently as he sat on the floor. He hadn't remembered falling, but he must have.

"He is a shame to our family!" Dominick raged at Jordan, pushing himself off the wall that Jordan had punched him into. "He is a faggot, a stain! He insults me, after all I have done for him, by sleeping with men!? I will not stand it."

Jordan shoved him back again. He was, he realized, the stronger of them now. For the first time in his life, he was the stronger of the two of them. "The stain on this family has always been you," he said as Dominic bounced against the wall. A glass bowl Elisha had give Hadyn for his birthday fell off a shelf and shattered on the floor. "There's nothing for you to stand. You're gone."

He clenched his fists in Dominic's shirt and dodged his head as his father threw a punch at his face. The glancing blow connected, and Jordan had felt it often enough that he knew it would bruise. It didn't give him pause, though, as he started dragging his screaming father towards the door. "You're going to leave now," he said. "And you're not going to come back."

If he did, he thought, he'd do what he'd always been afraid of before. He'd call the police.

Calling the police might not have been a bad idea, if someone were to ask Hadyn. He sat, gasping for air as if he simply could not get enough. Whatever his father had to had to say to Jordan before the front door slammed shut was lost on him. But his hands were shaking, he was shaking.

Looking up at Jordan, though, he imagined he couldn't have been a pretty picture. He could feel the bruising around his neck, and just swallowing hurt. As an Emergency Physician, he knew best of all that the damage done was serious enough to warrant an Urgent Care visit at the very least.

But what the hell was he supposed to say to the doctor?

"I didn't expect him," he said hoarsely as he pushed himself up to his feet. "Guess we're not going home for Christmas..." Not that they'd planned on it to start with.

"I texted you," Jordan said wearily as he latched and bolted the door behind Dominic and watched through the peephole to make sure their father staggered into the elevator. "I guess you didn't get to check your phone."

He pushed his hands through his hair and came over, flopping down on the floor next to Hadyn. "Let me see your throat." Not that he'd know what he was looking at; in fact, Hadyn would know better what was to be done. But it was part of their horrible tradition after Dominic. And Jordan was the older brother; he was supposed to take care of Hadyn at times like this.

"Not really," Hadyn said, sighing. "Elisha picked me up...." Which probably was all he had to say to explain how any of this even started. Generally, Dominick let Hadyn get a little more sass out of his system before he just backhanded him.

Still, he let Jordan look at the damage. There was a clear bruise across his neck that looked very much like hands. His left eye had a subconjunctival hemorrhage. And now that he wasn't having the life choked out of him, his vision seemed fine. But he was hoarse, and it hurt to swallow.

"Next place we move to, we're not telling him where we live." Hadyn decided. "Was pretty sure he was going to really...." Well, you know.

A part of him - the lawyer part - was screaming for a restraining order. The rest of him was screaming that they'd have to explain why. "No," he said. "Next time we should get a concierge building and put him on the do not enter list." He was fairly sure the glittering high rises downtown could accommadate that. And both of their commutes would be faster that way. Maybe they should just go ahead and move now.

He did hate, though, that he was thirty and still running away from his father.

"You're the expert," he said, as he leaned back. "But...I think you need to see a doctor. Just to make sure."

Hadyn wasn't sure there was going to be a point in his life that he wasn't running away from Dominick. The thought of the man gave him nightmares, cause almost paralyzing anxiety, and that was just the start. But there was another part of Hadyn that just wished he could have his father's approval, and love. Was that really so much to ask for?

"Probably," he said about the doctor, pushing to his feet and moving into the kitchen to grab his phone. A part of him wanted to lie, suddenly, and tell Elisha everything was fine. They'd talked it out, and what have you. A part of him didn't think Elisha would believe him though, so maybe he could just put it off.

"I'll go to Saint Joseph's." He said as he fished out his keys, and rubbed at his neck. Though, he thought looking down, he needed to change. Probably wasn't going do to walk in to an ER with scrubs on. "I'm changing first, maybe shower."

He probably shouldn't have been as calm as he was at the moment.

"I'm going with you," Jordan said. "And don't look at me like that. I think if there's any good excuse to call in sick, this is a good excuse." He wasn't sure about walking, either, but neither one of them had a car. And he liked Elisha, but wasn't entirely sure about him in a crisis.

He pulled off his tie - it was wrinkled anyway from his fight with Dominick and tossed it on the kitchen island as he picked up his phone. "Make it as fast as you can, okay?"

"O-kay, Papa." Hadyn said with a small roll of the eyes. It really didn't matter how old they got, Hadyn thought, Jordan was always going to act like a ~~real~~ father if he was hurt. And bless his brother, Hadyn appreciated the fact that Jordan had always been there, but at times...at times.

Still, he showered and changed in less than ten minutes. Even pulled on a hoodie, as if that could hide just how thin he was. "Lets go," he said to Jordan as he came out of his room. "We can walk, or take the bike. Which ever."

Someone had to do it. And just because no one had for Jordan didn't mean that he hadn't tried his best with Hadyn, once he'd come along. And especially after their mother had died, right at the cusp of when Jordan had been leaving for college. Things abruptly had been worse once it was only Dominic.

Still, he had to remind himself that Hadyn wasn't a kid anymore. They were both grown up. "Walk," he said. "I just don't feel like being part of the picture of roaring up to the ER on a motorcycle." Also because Hadyn would have to drive it.

It was, at least, a short walk to the hospital. And early enough in the morning that it wasn't too packed, he thought as he sat next to Hadyn and watched him fill in the paperwork.

"Staring does not make this whole thing go faster," Hadyn said once he was half way through the paper work. He supposed it was a change for them both. The last time anything like this had happened, Hadyn had been in High School, and Jordan was away.

So Hadyn had taken himself to the ER, with a stolen insurance card and a stole credit card. Surprisingly no one called the cops about it, now that he thought back on it. Or it might have been that he had been seventeen and asked Clayton to come pick him up. Moot point. In the last nine years, nothing like this had ever happened.

And now Hadyn was a Doctor. It made it easier, some how, to be calm.

And then his phone went off with Elisha texting him. Well, there probably wasn't going to be a good way to break it to him.

'At Saint Joseph's. In one piece.' Eh, seemed reasonable.

He read the text a few times and waited about ten minutes - because surely there was something else coming.

Apparently not, he thought as he pocketed his phone and pounded down the stairs to the garage. This time of day traffic was light, and he was there within ten minutes.

"Hey," he said to the nurse at the desk, who eyed him with a long-suffering look. "Hi. I'm looking for Hadyn Novak? I'm his boyfriend."

"Oh, yeah, they've got him back there," she said. "Theresa, can you take this kid back? He's here to see the one with all the hair."

Despite himself, Elisha's lips twitched as he followed the other nurse. Kid. He wondered when you got too old to be one.

He saw Jordan first as he entered the room in the ER and something about that relieved him - at least Hadyn hadn't been alone with that man. But then his eyes went to Hadyn. "In one piece??" he said.

"Point of fact," Hadyn said with a raised finger. "I am not missing any physical portion of my body." Even if he did look like he'd been hit with a bus, or something. And really, the doctor hadn't made it in yet, but he imagined that he was going just give him pain killers. Maybe tell him not limit how much he spoke for the next day or so.

"I'd rather not argue." He said he as sat on the bed, looking at Elisha with a tired look on his face. "The doctor will be by soon, then it'll be a quick check, and then sleep."

He was certain of that, and as if his words had summoned the other man- the doctor appeared. And much as he predicted, the doctor prescribed pain killers, said that to limit how much he spoke. Said he was lucky. Asked if he wanted to press charges, because it obvious that something had happened.

"No, no..." Hadyn said, shaking his head as he stood. He could almost feel Elisha and Jordan both glaring at him. "Its not even worth it."

He wanted to ask why the hell not, but he just exchanged a look with Jordan - who wasn't happy either, but he had a resigned look on his face. In this, Elisha thought, Jordan Novak would probably be the expert on Hadyn, and he crossed his arms, exhaling as he leaned against the wall.

He waited until the doctor had left again to speak. "Why exactly isn't it worth it when he tried to...when he did this?" He might not be experienced with wounds, he thought, but even he could see the signs of strangulation.

"Because we've been down this road before," Hadyn said with matter of factly. Pushing off the table, he pulled his hoodie back on. The nurse came back with his paperwork, which he signed before looking back at the other two.

"When was the last time you made a police report?" Hadyn asked as he looked at Elisha, "They take forever, and rarely have an outcome worth the trouble. It isn't like he's coming back around." Maybe. Most likely.

There was a small chance that once he calmed down, Dominick would call. But it was small.

Elisha gave Hadyn a narrow-eyed look. There was something in his tone that said that Elisha was being an idiot - and he was just exhausted enough and worried enough to not let it roll off his back.

"Whatever you say," he said with a thin-lipped smile. It wasn't, he thought, the first time Hadyn had made it seem like that his wealth had insulated him from absolutely everything difficult in life. Maybe it had. But it made him feel like a fool. "Do you two want a ride back, or do you just want me to fuck off?"

It was a little hard to tell, that was all.

He didn't want to fight, he said to himself. He just was too exhausted to fight. But as they made their way out of the hospital, he didn't really know what to say before he stopped and grabbed Elisha by the arm.

"Give us a second," he asked Jordan, before looking at Elisha. "Can we not do this right now?" He asked, reaching out to twine his fingers with Elisha's. "I will...answer any questions you have, will...entertain pressing charges, whatever. But not. right. now."

He just wanted to sleep. Was that too much to ask?

He didn't want to fight either. He was, Elisha thought, Worried. And tired. And on some kind of an edge, and he'd never expected the the situation they'd walked into this morning - the situation Hadyn had sent him away from and walked right back into.

Hadyn must have known what kind of thing was going to happen. Elisha, on the other hand, hadn't even known enough to imagine this.

He sighed. "Not now," he agreed. "But Hadyn, if we're going to be together...you're going to have to talk to me. You can't just assume that I'm too...removed to understand."

"I know, I promise you that I know that." Hadyn said softly as he reached up to cup the side of Elisha's face. Weirdly, he'd known this particular moment was going to happen. Sooner or later, Elisha was going to have questions.

"Trust me, I know." He said after a moment. "But right now, I am too exhausted to even try. I just want to go to sleep, and when we wake up....we can talk." At least that would also give him a chance to gather his thoughts.

His life was - well, not exactly an open book, but close to one. In comparison to Hadyn, Elisha's life was transparent. In contrast, he'd always known his boyfriend played it close to the chest. He just hadn't understood why.

Even now, he felt like he was only seeing the tip of the iceberg.

"Okay," he said. "I'll get you two home."

Hadyn nodded, before moving to Elisha's car with him and Jordan. And they rode back to the apartment in silence before Elisha parked. "Come up, stay." He suggested softly before he got out and headed up to his apartment.

And then he crawled into his bed, feeling more exhausted than he had in a long time. Maybe in a life time. But he was asleep soon enough. It might not have been the most peaceful of sleep, but it was long. The sun was setting by the time he started to come around.

"Hey," he said as he spotted Elisha. "How'd you sleep?"

He'd slept for a few hours, but found himself awake long before Hadyn roused himself from sleep - and after a reasonably awkward lunch of sandwiches with Jordan, who'd been working from the kitchen while both of them slept - Elisha had come back in here and watched Hadyn sleep.

Which had made him feel a little creepy, so after a while he'd dug a pad out of his bag and started doodling shapes until Hadyn woke up. "Alright," he said, looking over. "I woke up around lunch time." So...five hours ago, essentially. "You?"

Well. Wasn't this awkward. This must be why people drank through important conversations.

"Meh," he said with a groan as he sat up in the bed. He wondered how much wandering Elisha had done around the apartment. Wondered at the various pictures of the brothers together.

"I....guess you want to talk now," he said softly, moving around the bed to sit across from Elisha. "We can order a pizza, or something. Talk." This was going to be an interesting conversation, so to speak. Or something.

"Or, we can jump right in."

Elisha gave him a crooked smile as he flipped his notebook closed. "We both know if I order a pizza you're going to make faces at it," he said. "But we can get Thai, and we can talk about it while we wait."

Jordan had made an excuse about needing to go to the office a couple of hours ago. And while Elisha was pretty sure that's exactly where Jordan had gone, he had his doubts about it being necessary so much as him giving the two of them some time.

"Thai it is." He said, smirking. He ordered them Thai, some curry and noodles. Settling in the living room, Hadyn handed Elisha a can of pop. Ah well, he thought.

"So..." he said softly, scrubbing his chin for a moment. "So..." he sighed. This had sounded so much easier last night before he went to sleep. Now, though. Now it didn't feel that way.

"My father was....always....aggressive. And he used to take it out on my mother, before she died." He started, leaning back against the couch. "Well, he mostly tried to. He didn't...regulate himself to it, though. He didn't get physical, really, until...."

Well, no. That wasn't entirely true either. "I'm not very good with this," he said after a moment. "I'm sorry."

Elisha toyed with his food more than he ate it, and leaned back against the couch cushions as Hadyn tried to fumble his way into an explanation. If he was fair about it - and he was trying to be - it was a hell of a thing to explain.

"So he's been...like this towards everyone in your family then," he said, fumbling just as much as Hadyn. "For a long time." He let the noodles slip through his chopsticks and back into his bowl.

He might have asked why it was allowed to go on if it hadn't been for the stilted conversation with Jordan while Hadyn had still slept. Dominic Novak was a lawyer, Jordan had explained, and anyone who'd ever been suspicious about what was going on was talked around. They were well-off in New York - which meant, really, that there were less consequences for their actions.

Elisha knew that well enough. He'd never been in a situation that needed to go away, but he had cousins who had.

"Do you never want to make him pay for it?" He asked. "I know - I know that pressing charges might not work. But I...you seemed so resigned to the idea that you don't have options with him."

"Honestly?" Hadyn asked, as he scrubbing his hair as he sighed. "Yeah. When I wasn't scared to death of him, I day dreamed about it. But...the best, best vengeance I can have on him? Is just to be happy. It is the only thing..."

He shrugged a little, before he leaned forward and sat his food down. Turning on the couch he looked at the wall behind Elisha as he started to piece it all together, somewhat.

"I wanted to be a doctor, because some part of me wanted to protect kids from what happened to me. But...then something horrible happens and I don't know how to deal with it. Everything wells up inside, and I feel every anxious memory bubble up. It takes...just everything out of me." Not that that explained things. "So, I don't talk about it. Because pretending it didn't happen just somehow makes it easier. Or just...I don't even know, Elisha. I don't have the words for it."

He even laughed a little, looking down. "I'm not well," he said finally. "Even...with knowing all I know, I'm not well. And I don't know if you want to deal with that, and maybe I've just been too scared to trust....to trust that you wouldn't just leave. And I'm sorry, that I couldn't. I'm sorry that I wasn't, that I can't. I just...need someone with a lot of patience."

Turning he looked at a picture, when he was a teen. Before his weight started to fall away. "Heh, you know. I think need to get help, honestly."

"I'm not going to leave, Hadyn," Elisha said, and shrugged when Hadyn blinked over at him. "I can't pretend I know what this is like. I can't pretend I understand everything about it. But I do love you." He nearly choked on those words, not because he didn't feel them, but because it was a way of putting himself out there that he'd never done before.

"I want to try to be patient for you. I don't know if I'll be good at it. But I want to try." He raised an eyebrow, though, tipping his head. "But...you do need to think about some help. You can't carry the weight of this by yourself forever. I know that much. And as much as I love you, I can't help you that way. You know that."

Dominic, though. Dominic he could do something about, and there was a slightly calculating light in his eyes that made him, for a moment, look a little like his grandfather. The one who'd escaped Russia as a baby at the end of Stalin's reign, and built an empire with a couple of properties in New York and Chicago and the arts of intimidation and manipulation.

"I love you, too." He said softly, leaning in to steal a kiss from Elisha before he smiled a little weakly. "I know. Uh, I found a few doctors to go get help from. And...." He took a deeper breath before looked at Elisha.

"I, uh, might have to go to a rehab." He said after a moment. "For, um...my weight. To help gain it back. But, I don't know. Maybe therapy will be enough for that. So." Something. And he supposed he would figure it out with time.

"Yeah, so....does that help?" He asked, licking his lips a little. "You haven't asked much."

"I thought maybe you were just naturally thin," Elisha said. "And I knew you didn't eat regularly enough, but I thought that was just work." And he had a tendency to be self-involved. He honestly hadn't wanted to worry about it. So he hadn't.

As for questions, he shrugged. "I don't even know what to ask," he said. "But I reserve the right to recall the witness, if that's okay." He gave Hadyn a lopsided smile and leaned in to wrap his arm around his shoulders. "

Does the idea of rehab scare you?" he asked. "Because as the scion of a family with too much money, I have a hell of a lot of cousins with firsthand knowledge I can draw on for you. One thing rich kids are good at is fucking themselves up."

"Well, I like to think I am." He said, a bit of a rye smirk on his face as he settled down with Elisha's arm wrapped around his shoulders. "But...I could go into a lot of detail about certain behaviors I have...engaged in, and it is all complicated."

But whatever. Elisha was not asking to be bored by science. "As or recalling the witness, granted. Or...whatever the fancy lawyer term is. I will allow it." It made him smile, before he laughed a little and shook his head.

"No, but...I can't say going to rehab as a male for an...Eating Disorder is really going to be that exciting." Mm. He knew a 4th year psych student who ran therapy groups for eating disorders. He said most of it was the effects not eating had on the female body, and the pressures for a woman to be thin. Not really something that dealt with his particular issues. "Either way, its a bridge that will be crossed in time."

"Right..." Elisha gave Hadyn a level look. "As long as you remember to cross the bridge," he said. "But I'm not going to push you about it."

Not right now. That didn't mean that he wasn't going to keep more of an eye on him, Elisha thought. He'd been pretty laissez-faire about their relationship so far. He'd gone his way and Hadyn had gone his. He felt a bit like he'd been taking everything being okay for granted, and that felt...foolish.

He'd have to be done with that now.

"You know, I'm pretty sure we were going to have a drink when you got off your shift this morning." He smiled. "Is that allowed?"

"Drinking is allowed," Hadyn said with a smirk. He was even pretty sure they had drinks around. Beer, wine, liquor. Standing up, he went to the kitchen and hunted out a wine glassed before pulling a bottle of red wine out of the wine cabinet. He also grabbed an IPA for Elisha if he wanted it. Just to be safe.

"Jordan say what he was going to do at work?" He asked as he sat back down and flicked on the tv. They still didn't have cable, but they had a smart TV. And Netflix. "Because I a pretty sure there was more than drinks involved in that discussion this morning."

"Something lawyer-y that was beyond my ability to understand," Elisha said. Not entirely true; you had to learn to speak both lawyer and tycoon fluently to make it through holiday dinners in his family. "But it sounded like he was going to be a while, so..."

Well, so just about covered it, really.

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[Hadyn and Elisha] I would have found you....

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