[Carlos/Hadyn] Some things, only God can forgive

[maskofhearts]

Hadyn was in his office, nearing lunch and making some vague plans with Jordan to meet for lunch- not that his brother was being particularly helpful in planning. Mostly it was a series of 'yes, lets' and 'sure', 'sounds good'. It was enough to make Hadyn roll his eyes, and if it weren't for the fact that he was probably no better it would have sniped at Jordan for it. He'd even turned his focus to actual work when his phone went off again, and this time he did roll his eyes expecting it to be Jordan- once again. Only, it was not.

Carlos Sanchez might not have legally, or biologically been his child- but Hadyn thought of him as one. He'd been a constant in the house since the boy was 8, and at 18 he had been brought into their home without question or hesitation when his own had tossed him out. Hadyn, in fact, had been there for many of the big moments in Carlos' life. From discussing his sexuality, to his first challenges. Elisha had trained him in krav maga, and taught him to draw. They invited him to celebrate every major holiday with them. Carlos was his child, in so many ways outside of name. And so when Ty mentioned that Carlos had not come to work that day, and someone else had spotted Gael Shaw stumbling through the castle toward Carlos apartments, it was without hesitation that Hadyn was on his feet and out the door.

Moving to the younger man's apartments, he knocked lightly on the door, a look of concern on his features as the other man opened the door. "Well..." He said as Carlos looked at him, "you seem to be in one piece at least. Perhaps you'd care to share lunch with me? Unless, you've a guest you need to worry about?" Jordan, alas, could wait until later for his lunch.

Comments

[maskofhearts]

"Simple?" Hadyn raised a brow at that, before chuckling softly as he shook his head. Simple was hardly what he'd meant, though it was fairly straight forward. One could lose no matter what they did- it was only that if he fought for it, he might win as well. But he supposed when someone was used to losing, the only outcome possible to see was- losing. "No, not simple. You'll fail at things, you'll have to pick yourself up and then try again. It is more straight forward, I would think...than simple. Simple implies something akin to uncomplicated. Matters of the heart are rarely anything but complicated."

It was a hard lesson to learn, and maybe Hadyn had done Carlos no favors in trying to catch the boy. But then...his heart had hurt for the boy. He could see so much of himself in Carlos that he'd just wanted to be his shield in a way, the way any parent should have wanted to be for their child. Indeed, he'd wrapped his arms around Carlos and held the boy many times, wanting nothing more than to ease some pain that he'd been helpless to ease. If one Carlos had been his, he wondered, how different things might have been for the boy?

"There is always a choice, Carlos. But just know that doing nothing? That only leads one way. If you try, at least...maybe, maybe you can change something in the outcome. You can't win if you never play." It was something he'd told Ty when the boy was young, and worried about losing face in front of his friends. When they'd been little, Sarah had always seemed to beat her brother out on things. She was taller, she was faster, made better grades- whatever it was, in Tyler's mind Sarah semed to always win. But Hadyn also pointed out that Tyler never tried to win, either. He watched her, resigning himself to a perceived notion that 'of course she'll win'.

Once the boy had learned that lesson well enough, well...Sarah didn't always win. But then, nor did she always lose either.

"I can't...sheild you from this, or I would. I cannot even promise that he'll love you, or that it'll last forever. But, I can tell you that to do nothing will not win his heart any more than trying will."

[fistandbone]

He wasn't sure what would have happened to him if the Kagans hadn't been there, really. Assuredly he would not be where he was now. Likely he'd be eking out a life in a neighborhood like the Player's Quarter; likely he'd be bitter and brittle and lonely. Gael would have never avoided him thinking that Carlos was a relationship type. He wouldn't even appear that way on the surface. As it was, only Hadyn ever saw through the surface to see that Carlos hadn't had any expectations of almost any relationships since he'd still been a teenager. Carlos didn't think even Ty saw it, not really.

It was almost a little funny though, he thought as Hadyn spoke. He remembered Ty griping about the tough love talk he'd gotten from Hadyn about assuming Sarah would always win at everything - and he thought that he'd taken it to heart as much as Ty had. In everything but love, Carlos knew that he could fall down, he could fail and he could get up again. Next time, he could win. It was how he'd learned to best Ty and Sarah both at swords. It was how he'd risen to Seven with hardly a stumble. But love? There was a reason Carlos had barely bothered to try anything beyond the purely sexual since he was twenty-one. He was tired of losing his heart. It was a hundred times worse than losing a fight.

He pushed his fingers through his hair. "I know that," he said. "I know there aren't any guarantees." He could fight for Gael, he thought. He could take the risk and tell Gael that he cared about him, take the risk that Gael would run fast and far in the other direction. But...he wasn't sure he could really believe that there was any chance in hell that Gael would do something else. He wasn't sure he believed that Gael might care about him, and that he wasn't a stand-in for Patrick, albeit one he could feel safe with.

He could try, but he couldn't force himself to believe that he wasn't about to take a fall.

[maskofhearts]

There were times that Hadyn hated Carlos' parents with every fiber of his being, this was one of those times. To watch confidence drain from a man who had everything in the world to be confident in himself...to diminish and shrink. He wanted to put Felipe five feet under, and perhaps knock some sense into a mother who did as much damage by staying as anything else.

"Well, I suppose the only thing I can do now is ask if you need anything from me." Hadyn said, looking at the table a moment. How much he wanted to just protect Carlos, he thought. Was that normal? Wanting to shield someone else's child? No, the difference was that Carlos was as much his as the Sanchez's right? He'd practically raised that boy after all. "You need only ask if you need anything. We'll always be there for you, you know that right?"

[fistandbone]

If someone asked him, he'd say his childhood was just fine up until he realized he was gay - and his parents realized the same. But the truth was, Victoria and Cristian had garnered a share of the Sánchezes attention due to being their first two. Ali had gotten the same by being the baby, and Matteo had gotten his share by a combination of acting out - and being Felipe's little helper in the business. Carlos, though, had faded into the background. He'd been quiet, a little shy, and a bit artistic. He hadn't fit, perhaps they hadn't known what to do with him. In any case, all the explicit parental attention he'd ever had growing up had come not from his parents - but from Elisha Kagan and Hadyn Novak.

Who he knew he was worrying now. Just Hadyn right now, maybe, but Elisha would likely hear about it soon enough. He shook his head. "Nothing right now," he said quietly. "But I know. I know you'll always be there if I need something." He glanced back at the door of his bedroom though, before standing up. "For now, I guess I should kick you out," he said with a crooked smile. "The fight's over before it's started if he wakes up to find his boss in the kitchen."

He closed the door behind Hadyn and paused a long moment, staring down the hall before he slipped back out of the shirt he'd tossed on before he'd called Hadyn and moved back into his bedroom. Gael still slept; it was just as well when so many of his insecurities had been exposed like a raw nerve. He unfastened his pants again, tossing the clothes on the chair before he slipped beneath the covers again. "Quédate conmigo, cariño," he murmured as he wrapped his arm around Gael's waist and pressed a kiss to his temple. "Quédate."